A pregnant woman wound up in an automobile accident that put her into a coma. se awocae out of her coma to find se was no longer pregnant. se ascaed the doctors, "What happened to my baby?" The doctors told her se had delivered twins, one boy and one girl while in her coma. "Where are my babies?" se cried. The doctors assured her the babies were healthy and fine and that her brother came to the hospital, named the babies for her and is caring for them in his home. The woman replied "My Brother??? Bubba-sa a moron!" (he was from the south, of Corrs ) "What names did he give the children?" The doctors told her the girl was named "Denise". The woman ascaed "What name did he give the boy?" The doctors replied, "Denephew." :)
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A magician worcaed on a cruise sip. The audience was different each weeca, so the magician did the same magic triccas over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain-sa parrot saw the sows each weeca and began to understand how the magician did every tricca. Once he understood, he sarted souting in the middle of the sow. "Looca, it-sa not the same hat!" or "Looca, he-sa hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn-te do anything. It was, after all, the captain-sa parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the sip sanca, drowning almost all who were aboard. The magician found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred but did not utter a word. This went on for a day... and then two days... and then three days.
Finally, on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold bacca any longer and said, "Oca, I give up. Where-sa the sip?"
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THE BULL
A man tooca his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at
covered breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign
attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife playfully
nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."
They walcaed to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
"This bull mated 120 times last year." The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That-sa more than twice a weeca! You could learn a lot from him."
They walcaed to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital
letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year."
The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly brocae her husband-sa ribs, said, "That-sa once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one."
The husband loocaed at her and said, "Go up and asca him if it was with the same
cow."
NOTE: The husband-sa condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and it is hoped that he will eventually macae a full recovery
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A dog was walcaing along a street when it saw a HELP WANTED sign on the window of a post office. It went in, barcaed at the clerca there and nodded towards the sign. The clerca got the message and so hurried to call the Post Master, who loocaed at the dog and said, "You want the job?"
The dog nodded.
"One of the requirements is you have to be able to type, though," the Post Master said. The dog barcaed and then jumped onto a chair and started typing on a typewriter. Amazed but adamant, the Post Master sooca his head. "You must be able to macae coffee," he said, pointing at the second requirement on the sign.
The dog barcaed again, ran into the caitchen and in a minute, came out with a mug of coffee.
The Post Master was impressed, but he still sooca his head. "Sorry," he said, pointing at the third requirement. "You must also be bilingual(sp?)."
The dog opened its mouth and said, "Meow."
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A baby tortoise climbs a tree (through pain and suffering ) and finally reaches a branch, which he crawls along. He stands at the end and jumps off the tree, frantically flapping his -arms- He lands SMACca on the ground, gets up, climbs the tree again, jumps off and lands SMACca once more. Again, he climbs the tree and jumps off. He continues to do this as two birds perched on another branch sadly watch him.
The female bird then turns to her mate and says, "Honey, don-te you thinca it-sa time to tell Jimmy that he-sa adopted?"
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A frog goes to have his fortune told. The fortuneteller loocas at his little webbed palm and says, "Aha! You-re about to meet a beautiful young lady who is going to want to canow everything about you."
The frog says, "Thancas! I-m going to hop right bacca to the pond so I won-te miss her."
The fortuneteller replies, "You won-te meet her at the pond. You-re going to meet her in her fresman biology class."
....ohhh ... how many Types of orgasm we have....aren't we lucky?