Jokes

Personalized: Oh ,Mike! oh, Mike! oh, Mike!

Summarized: Oh! Oh! Oh!

check this out: http://www.otoons.com/politics/condoleezza.htm :spiteful::lol:

roportal a scris:

Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed

Joe's waist and said, "Let's see...size 36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you!

I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head, "You can't possibly wear a size 34 sir.. size

34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine

and give you one hell of a headache."

Poor guy... he'll probably kill himself :P

^

A barber, while doing his job, starts having a conversation with the customer:

- "You see that boy over there? He is probably the dumbest kid alive. Let me show you.

Come over here son, I've got something for you."

The boy comes to the barber. The barber takes 1 dollar bill and a quarter and shows them to the boy.

- "Which one do you want?" he asks.

The boy takes the quarter, and the man tells the customer:

"See, what did I tell you? He does this every time!"

After he's done, the customer meets the boy on the street:

"Why didn't you take the dollar bill?"

The boy replies:

"Because, when I take the dollar bill, the game is over."

Terrorists Have Kidnapped Bush!!!!

so a guy is sitting in stand still traffic on his way to work and all of a sudden a man knocks on his window

the guy rolls down his window and asks the man whats going on

the man says terrorists have kidnapped G W Bush and are demanding a $10,000,000 ransom or else they'll douse him in gas and torch him on on al jizzzeera

the guy asks how much he's collected so far

the man replies "ohh about 10 gallons and 15 books of matches"

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get your ass in the train, cause were going down the tracks."

The horrified mother went in & told her son, "We dont use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out,you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen."

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together.

Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl said, Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over.

The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, Nope, aint Bubba.

The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at the body and said, Yup, hes pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, No, it aint Bubba.

The mortician asked, How can you tell?

Gomer said, Well, Bubba had two assholes.

What? He had two assholes? said the mortician.

Yup, everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.

Courtroom Q &A

Q: All your responses to the questions must be oral. Do you understand?

A: Yes

Q: What school did you attend in the fall of 1995?

A: Oral.

What are a woman's 4 favorite animals? A JAGUAR in the garage, a MINK for her shoulders, a TIGER in the bedroom, and a JACKASS to pay for it all.