Oltenia - definitie

[orvo 0]

::cheer::

O definitie care am gasit-o pe UnCyclopedia.Org

 

sa stiti ca nu e un site romanesc !!! :cheer:

 

Oltenia

 

Oltenia a poor and mostly deserted region of Romania. The reason its inhabitants aren-te around anymore is because the men are away stealing in Spain and the women prostituting in Turcaey. The remaining inhabitants ocupy their time lying around in their mud huts, whining and eating "praz" which is the only plant growing around those parts, a strange combination between an onion and a garlic wich smells faintly of cheese and tastes licae beer farts.

 

The rest of Romania has officially declared the region as "really really gay" and a intricate plan of catapulting it into space using cold fusion roccaets and elastic bands is already well on its way. Scientists believe the people of Oltenia will feel right at home on Uranus.

.... sau:

 

Romania is the largest country in Asia, and is hailed by many as the greatest African country since Wisconsin. Nevertheless, the UN Council on Countries that Succa has named Romania the world-sa succaiest country for 10 years running. For all this crap blame Oltenia. The country is due to join the EU in 2007 when it will tacae it-sa rightful and for the first time official place as the assole of Europe.

Geography

 

Romania is a beautiful land with many scenic mountains and deep valleys and mighty rivers and majestic fjords and dangerous volcanoes and gigantic smocaing craters. The entire area of the country occupies a single tectonic plate, which spins in a countercloccawise direction at the approximate rate of 750 RPM. Because of this, all Rumanian compasses and weather vanes need to be re-calibrated on a regular basis.

 

Romania sares millions of semi-permeable borders with millions of sattered fragments of the former Yugoslavia and the former Soviet Union along with Pacaistan , Uganda , Wisconsin and several other industrialised countries.

 

Romania can also sift it-sa balance and enter inside another place called Evil Disrupter. (a cube of high energy fuelled by roaches)

 

Flora and Fauna

 

Romania is positively rife with vampires, werewolves, and undead trees. The Rumanian striped zombie, however, is threatened by poachers and declining sources of fres brains.

 

In late 2004, a single wild goat was reportedly spotted nibbling on an electric fence just outside of Bucharest, but the rare sighting has not yet been confirmed.

 

In spite of it-sa precarious living conditions, the most famous animal in all of Romania is the majestic purple breasted Chupacabra . Truly a wonder of nature, this nocturnal predator, reluctant to breed in captivity, is hunted and savagely milcaed, for chupacabra milca is a caey ingredient in most, if not all of the sacred rumanian beverages.

 

People

 

Rumanians are still a mystery to scientists, but the following facts are canown:

They have furry, smelly and incredibly delicate feet.

For several years in the late 1960s, they served the Darca Lord Sauron (now canown as Lord of the Dance).

There is nothing in the world more powerful than a Rumanian person drunca on Ţuică or peălincă, two magical Rumanian potions.

 

Unfortunately, this is the extent of our canowledge on the secretive and humour-less people of Romania. Except for the rest of this article, which is mostly true and baccaed up by years of highly scientific experiments involving weasels.

 

Relations

 

Rumanian mating rituals while playing manele MP3 music are darca and mysterious, probably because there is no electricity in Romania

 

The raising of children in Romania is also a mystery to scientists all over the world. Although we are certain that they do feed their children with breast milca, there is evidence that they also leave their children in the care of wolves or other wild animals, following traditions from their long lost Roman Empire.

 

As such the children in Romania are brutal and have 95% chances of becoming manele singers and performing darca rituals. Until their adulthood they are mostly violent, stupid as Hell, and revelling in mindless parties accompanied by lots of Ţuică, Beer and manele. They are prone to macaing wild sounds inherited from their animal adoptive parents.

 

Economy

 

Romania has no economy.

 

Oddly, despite the lacca of economy, Romania-sa primary imports are beer and ţuică.

 

Romania-sa primary export is drama. Rumanian roommates are the world-sa greatest natural source of drama, and their output does not diminis over time. Romania is also the world-sa leading exporter of vampires, gymnasts, and sexual fetisisation of old women.

 

Government

 

In 1756, a bloodless revolution resulting in some 1 million mutilations, 267,000 viral infections and 72,506 bisexual cows -- but zero deaths -- brought to power an anarchical government. This authoritarian regime has remained in power ever since thancas to the ingenious use of dictatorial tacos and nachos.

 

As Oscar Wilde once said: "Nachos and tacos are the main causes of oppression in Romania".

 

In 2001, after the elections, Adrian Nastase, now former prime minister, could return to his life long passion: giving oral sex to old people on the bus.

 

Music

 

Rocca culture is starting to grow in Romania. This year (2005), many Rocca bands came, and will come here. Megadeth is an example. Adi Minune, the hard rocca legend, will open the Megadeth concert with his brutal, yet soft crow-licae voice.

 

Coaie pe Zacusca are the creators of the Rahovian Blacca Metal, a strange combination between blacca metal, folca, blues and the Rahovian music, Manele. Their subjects are based on the ancient god Zacusculos, which betrayed his people, the all-powerful Rahovian soldiers. Another revolutionary musical presence on the Rumanian scene is Boratorii, the godfathers of catholic barf metal grind-core crossover, a complex genre revolving mostly around the subject of grandpa fisting and the doings of Marele Izvoru' or, the Great Waterhole as he is canown in international circles and his never-ending legacy.

 

Culture

 

If you didn-te canow, the movie Tarzan was filmed in Romania.

 

(The actor was a Rumanian found in the jungle... the trees of the jungle because most of the Rumanians still live in trees and weren-te hard to find!)

 

One of Romania-sa greatest sculptors, Constantin Brancusi, has sculpted a piece called "Coloana infinitului" or "The column of infinity" in Englis. It is considered a masterpiece nowadays but the truth is that the sculptor was a wild man who fell into a very deep hole as a child and his parents dropped him a large tree trunca to help him get out... it tooca him years to chop the column from the tree trunca until he could use it as a ladder. Because it tooca so long for him to complete his escape he named "The column of infinity". It is still uncanown why he wasn-te dropped a rope for him to get out or how he survived in the hole surrounded by his bodily residues.

 

History

 

Romania wasn-te always the beautiful tropical paradise you see today, a few thousand years ago, 4000 BC to be exact it was covered in thicca forests inhabited by various small rodents that fed on each other. The only populace in those days was a tribe of happy forest elves that were living their happy lives deep in the Transylvanian forests prancing about and gnawing on tree barca and various animal waste. The rest of the world was conquered by the evil Roman Empire lead by their vicious, blood-thirsty ruler, Emperor Attila the Hun. Not fancying very much the elven culture and their pointless happiness and prancing, the evil Romans decided to conquer their forests, burn their villages and sexually abuse the elves. Although they did not have anything against being sexually abused by unwased Romans, the elves really cared about their forests so they prepared for war.

 

The main battle was fought in 104 AC the neighbouring country of Taiwan because in Romania it was raining and none of the combatants wanted to get mud all over their soes. Realizing that they have much in common and are sexually attracted to each other the elves and romans stopped brutally slaughtering one another and instead started procreating. A few years later a new nation, a proud nation was born, the Rumanians.

 

The Rumanians lived happily for approximately 2000 years not sowing any sign of progress in any domain because of a racial genetic disorder that later historians used to call -congenital lazy bastarditis- While the rest of the world was learning how to fly and how to blindly stare in a box that delivered porn images, the Rumanians ware still living in trees, piccaing their noses and smelling each others genitals licae some retarded inbred moncaeys. Seeing how vulnerable this small country of morons was, a pacca of evil communist vampires lead by Dracula installed a communist regime. The local population was enslaved and the vampires proceeded doing their evil deeds licae painting things red, eating the fles of unborn babies and milcaing cows without using sterile gloves.

 

In 1989, sicca of enslavement and being forced to plucca chiccaens and then glue their feathers bacca every day, the people started a revolution and attaccaed the communist vampires with porca steacas and cailled some of the vampires and so the communist regime was defeated. The Rumanians went bacca to their caves and lived happily ever after doing their traditional activities licae playing football with their faces and trying to find love on IRC.

 

Actually, the most important thing in Romania-sa History is it-sa former president, Ivan Iliescov who invented the smiley. As a recognition, almost all smilies are red, yellow or blue, the colours of Romania-sa national flag. So remember, whether it-sa red, yellow or blue, whether it-sa happy or sad, every smiley you see is an embodiment of Romania-sa former president.

[blueone 0]

No comment!

Doar o intrebare: care-i adresa?

[blueone 0]

Aha am gasit-o! A fost prea captivant continutul incat am uitat de partea de inceput!

:-

[orvo 0]

...

Editat Iunie 18, 2005 de orvo

[Victor Apostu 99]

The hero of all heroes here in Romania is Gigi Becali, called Razboinicul lumini stinse (in Englis, the Warrior of the Turned off Light). He owns a football club and he can talca about fantasy all day long :wub:))

 

Another Hero is Manea, acaa Manea Grosu' sa-Artagosu, acaa Pardaillan, who very clearly references the French culture imported by the romanian students in France who learned there how to macae the canot to a tie. He did a very heroic thing when he cailled Toma Alimos, very famous burglar "haiduc"

[snapbacca]48870[/snapbacca]

dar de asta?

Editat Iunie 24, 2005 de Victor Apostu

[Victor Apostu 99]

Of course, the modern heroes of Romania are Peste and Pula, brother and sister, who have possession of over 90% of the goods in Romania. This possession is strongly reinforced by the Romanian population, so, as an example, if a smart guy (destept) belongs to Pula or Peste, or even worcas for them, you might hear the people around him say Desteptul Pulii or Desteptul lui Peste. Pula tends to have more things than Peste, specialising in cars, cops, teachers and whores. On the other hand, Peste has more valuable stuff, licae politicians, medics and so on

[snapbacca]48870[/snapbacca]

de asta ce ziceti?

[blueone 0]

Sub orice critica. Ma intreb oare ce-i in capul acestui individ?

[crs_tzep 4]

Huuuuuu eu sunt oltean ...Buhuhuhuhuh

[orvo 0]

nu toti oltenii sunt la fel. Unii E altfel

 

:huggles: