Agony Aunt

For all you people out there who want to attach treir picture to the letter: before you do, show that picture to other ten people; if more than five of them laugh, do not, i repeat, do not send it to me! Thank you for your cooperation!

Dear Ursula,

my heart goes out to your parents; must be really hard for them to talk any sense into you. The poor people had to resort to devil-theories and such just to keep you away from hurting yourself and, judging by your weight, hurting others. But do not worry! You will not burn in hell. In order to do so, you have to get that poor co-worker of yours to sleep with you and that isn't very likely to happen. So you and your soul are pretty safe!

Yours truly,

AA

Dear AA,

I find it hard to believe that I stand no chance with that co-worker of mine. You gotta help me! What can I do to make him look at me? :cry:

Dear Ursula,

I begin to think you are coming to your senses. Is that all you want, for him to look at you? I am certain he already has, since you are impossible to overlook. If he avoids looking at you, which is pretty understandable, you can just go and ask him nicely. If he refuses, i'm sure you can force him to.

Best of luck!

Yours truly,

AA

Dear AA,

I have a big problem and I don't know how to solve it: I lost almost 1000 $ and that money where for a new sofa for the living room. My parents will kill me if I don't come home with the sofa or with the money in one week from now...

I was thinking of borrowing some money from friends, but jeez... 1000 $?! Where should I get that sum of money?

Please, I'm afraid. I need a solution and I need it fast. :)

Yours truly,

Georgina Bush.

...And there she went... Poor Georgina...

I'll never forgive myself for not being there for her. How many times haven't we heard this "they're gonna kill me" thing, but do we really think it's gonna happen? No. Well, this time... this tragic awful time... it happened. Her own parents did it, in cold blood, right there, in their sofa-less living room...

The tragic news left me speechless for months, as you could see. Not to mention she haunted me for weeks and I couldn't really concentrate on anything... But now I am back, hoping that the "clients" I have left still trust me.

Yours truly,

AA

Dear Agony Aunt,

I kind of fell in love with a guy and had sex with him a week ago. Now he doesn't even answer to my calls! I'm desperate! What should I do? I even went to his office [he works near my school] and kneeled in front of him! :aranjare:

I can't bear this anymore! What did I do wrong? Why doesn't he love me?! Help me, pleaseeee!

Yours truly,

Wilhemina Thunder.

Hey, dear Agony Aunt, it's Anita Goatsheet again.

just wanted to say that i followed your advice, and.. hm.. what was your advice, again? never mind, the important thing is that.. i moved on. i don't like him/her anymore. haven't figured it out yet if it's a she or he. soooo, i decided that it's no use to struggle anymore. I found another guy, but i'm afraid that he doesn't like me either. what should i do? shave the moustache (the goat milk doesn't work anymore ) ?

Dani Quinn a scris:

Hey, dear Agony Aunt, it's Anita Goatsheet again.

just wanted to say that i followed your advice, and.. hm.. what was your advice, again? never mind, the important thing is that.. i moved on. i don't like him/her anymore. haven't figured it out yet if it's a she or he. soooo, i decided that it's no use to struggle anymore. I found another guy, but i'm afraid that he doesn't like me either. what should i do? shave the moustache (the goat milk doesn't work anymore :D ) ?

Dear Anita,

Since your poor AA has been put on drugs after reading your stories and watching your incredible ugly pictures, I kind of felt that I should help her for a while.

That guy knows that you like him? And if he does, he didnt't already move to Congo?! 'Cause if he did, I'm not surpised. I truly understand him. And regarding your moustache, I think you should make it curl. It's totally pointless for your matter, but it will be more fun.

Yours truly,

Agony Aunt Helper.

It's not long enough for curls, should i use some special shampoo for a faster grow? Do you really think i'm going to be prettier this way?

So, why do you say my ungly picture, i don't remember sending her any.

yet, to stick to the point, no, he doen't know that i like him. actually, i think i'm inlove with him. or does he? i never told him, but last time that i saw him, i smiled as much as i could, so that he can see my nice teeth. :) Do you i have a chance? what should i do, pleaaaase help.

And, if you brought it up, here's one of my best pictures. I'm really proud of it (i lost weight) :D

Dani Quinn a scris:

It's not long enough for curls, should i use some special shampoo for a faster grow? :D Do you really think i'm going to be prettier this way?

So, why do you say my ungly picture, i don't remember sending her any.

yet, to stick to the point, no, he doen't know that i like him. actually, i think i'm inlove with him. or does he? i never told him, but last time that i saw him, i smiled as much as i could, so that he can see my nice teeth. Do you i have a chance? what should i do, pleaaaase help.

And, if you brought it up, here's one of my best pictures. I'm really proud of it (i lost weight) :)

Dear moustache girl,

First of all, your look is horror. I was right when I said you should curl it, but curl it up. It will make you look more like a clown then you already do. No shampoo will help you with the growth, but have you tried hair extensions? Or even a wire, for God's sake!

And now, speaking of that, your love problem could be solved in three simple steps:

1. Meet the guy and try to buy his attention. It's unlikely you'd succeed any other way with that face.

2. Impress him [if he's still around and alive]. Try inviting him for a cup of coffee, or worse, for a movie.

3. If he accepts your invitation [but I'm over positive that he won't], go for it. And afterwards you can turn into a pathetic loser and confess him that you are deeply in love with him. If he's reaction is not positive, try to kiss him. Use force if it's necessary.

That should do it.

Yours truly horrofied,

AA helper.

*Note: And last, but not the least, for the love of God, stop attaching pictures! I mean it, people!!!