Agony Aunt

you know what? you have no right to treat me like that. it took me 5 years to look that good, ok? and it was expensive too. i had to give up my favourite piggy for that :D God, i miss him so much.. :)

and for that reason, i don;t have money for hair extensions... maybe i should cut my hair, and use it as extensions for my moustache.. yeah, that would do the trick

now, about my love problem. you think i should pay for the coffee? or should i let him pay? and, uuu, uuhh.. he's shorter than me, but has such a beautiful long hair and a goatee.. and, such beautiful black eyes.. God, i'm madly inlove with him.. if he's shorter, you think i should sit on a chair when i kiss him? but, if i have to use force, i can't be seated. can i?

even if you said you don't want any more pictures.. i just have to attache his picture, to see how gorgeous he is, and why i'm so mad about him

P.S.: I want Agony Aunt back, she's nicer

uuh, uuh. By the way, i'm ANITA GOATSHEET!!!!

Dear miss [i suppose] Goatsheet,

Don't get me wrong. I was just trying to help you. If you are not pleased with my good intended pieces of advice, then stop using this service. AA has serious brain damages after handling this column for so long. And it's not like I don't understand her.

I never said you were ugly, I said your look is horror. And that is definitely a good think [coming form me]. It's a good thing you've lost weight, this way it will be easier for you finding someone stupid enough to spend his precious spare time with you. And by the way, you did find it. He's.... what can I say? I wish you all the best I can think of.

And if you want to kiss him, you could convince him using a chair. Or a small ladder. It's easier to carry and more helpful. But the main important thing you should do before that is following the other two steps. And yes, paying the coffee won't help. It was a stupid thing from me, I admit it after seeing him, too. :flowers:

But you still have to impress him. Try writing him a full of crap love note. He'll defintitely appreciate that, his dumb look tells me that.

And for your moustache, have you tried some wire? It's better than cutting your... hair.

P.S: If you want me to be sane enough to answer this column, please stop attaching pictures. It will only make me stroke.

Yours sincerely,

AAH.

Deara Agony Aunt,

I really do hope you can help me out with this problem or whatever it is that is have... it's just such a complicated something that I can't even define it...I don't know how it all started but now it's like crap maybe, not quite sure... 'cause I have some moments when it feels rather like hell than crap...and I have no idea how to move on, I sincerely don't. I have tried to explain this to my friends, but they are pretty stupid and don't get it... keep telling I'm incoherent and stuff, can you believe it?! Anyway, let me know what you think and what your advice is.

Sincerely yours,

Dizzy Daisy

there, there, no need to be so pushy.. or to feel offended. i just said that she was nicer, she really understood me.

I think i'm going to pay him a visit tomorrow. A friend told me to give him a phone before, where could i find one? and what is a phone? i should wrap it with a nice pink ribbon? hm.. i can't wait for tomorrow to come. maybe we can spend Christmas together.. and New Year's Eve.. maybe we'll get married. Ooh, i can hear the wedding bells already. If we do, would you be my bride's maid? :flowers:

Sei Shonagon a scris:

Deara Agony Aunt,

I really do hope you can help me out with this problem or whatever it is that is have... it's just such a complicated something that I can't even define it...I don't know how it all started but now it's like crap maybe, not quite sure... 'cause I have some moments when it feels rather like hell than crap...and I have no idea how to move on, I sincerely don't. I have tried to explain this to my friends, but they are pretty stupid and don't get it... keep telling I'm incoherent and stuff, can you believe it?! Anyway, let me know what you think and what your advice is.

Sincerely yours,

Dizzy Daisy

Dear Miss Dizzy,

As your nickname already told me, you are confused. Your friends are right. You are incoherent, deluding and surely in need of strong medication. Please try following those really nice guys in white clothes next time. They wish you only good, same as I and your friends do.

Yours truly,

AAH.

Dani Quinn a scris:

there, there, no need to be so pushy.. or to feel offended. i just said that she was nicer, she really understood me.

I think i'm going to pay him a visit tomorrow. A friend told me to give him a phone before, where could i find one? and what is a phone? i should wrap it with a nice pink ribbon? hm.. i can't wait for tomorrow to come. maybe we can spend Christmas together.. and New Year's Eve.. maybe we'll get married. Ooh, i can hear the wedding bells already. If we do, will you be my bride's maid? :flowers:

Dear miss soon-to-be-mrs. Goatsheet,

I'm totally reliefed hearing those crushing news. I hope you get married and move to Congo, so I should never be forced to make up pretty text posts for you.

And how could you not know what a phone is? You don't have a phone there? If you don't, I'm screwed. I should probably explain you what a phone is and that is making me nervous. But I shall try.

Think it like that, a phone it's like a little box that has buttons. On those buttons there are the numbers from 0 to 9. Each box is connected to a wire that is also connected to another bigger wire called network and that it's spread all over the world. When you call someone, you dial his number [because each phone has it's one number] and wait till that person answers the phone.

My advice is to not call him, I repeat, do not do that because he will think you are desperate [and that is corect] and certainly you don't have a reason to wrap the phone into a nice pink ribbon.

I would probably accept the wedding invitation to be your maid if the ceremony of the wedding will be taken somewhere on a civilised place of Earth and not on that extraterestrial place you live right now and if you and your soon-to-be-husband are going to use plastic surgery. Otherwise, don't count on me, I'm too busy doing nothing.

Yours truly,

AAH.

Why should i move to Congo, i love Tuvalu.. and the pink ribbon was for the phone, before giving him the phone, remember?? my friend told me to give him a phone. duuuh.

if you pay for the surgery, i'll take it. then, you can be my maid. Uuh, i can find you a nice man, as his best man. Maybe you'll get married also, and come live with us in Tuvalu. We'll have pigs, goats, sheeps, maybe even cows. Oh, what a wonderful life would be :flowers:

So, what do you say?

Oh. Damn. I thought you want to give him a phone call, not a phone.

And regarding your marital proposal with the best man, thanks, but no thanks. And no matter how much I'd like to share a life full of pigs, goats, sheeps and women with moustache I'd have to say no, I prefer waxing. And yes, I would probably change my mind if somebody shoots me and stab me in the eye afterwards.

Amin. :flowers:

i could do that, if you want. I already consider you my sister, so, i'd do anything for you. Including stabbing

Dani Quinn a scris:

i could do that, if you want. I already consider you my sister, so, i'd do anything for you. Including stabbing

Dear Miss soon-to-be-mrs. Goatsheet,

I appreciate the positive feelings you have for me. I can truly say that your feelings regarding me give me clots on my heart. Please send me a postcard on the column adress so I could check out your marital status after you get to be Mrs.

Although I'm waiting for my next reader to post.

Yours sincerely,

AAH.

psst.

guys.

(girls, shemales, whatever you represent)

do re-read some of the first posts.

you're losing it.

the air, the atmosphere, everything.

this is not Agony Aunt.

this is Dani Quinn humour versus Heidy-humour.

as always, your truly,