Jokes

If you lend a friend

that's wicked baby!!! :P :P :-

Mr. Smith went to the Doctor-sa office to collect his wife-sa test results.

Receptionist: "I-m sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we

have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the

samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain

which one is your wife-sa. Francaly, that-sa either bad or terrible."

Mr. Smith: "What do you mean?"

Receptionist:"Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer

disease and the other for AIDS. We cannot tell which is your wife."

Mr. Smith: "That-sa terrible! What am I supposed to do now?"

Receptionist: "The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the

middle of town and if se finds her way home, don-te fucca her."

OMG.....we are somewhere up from men at this chapter :-

Our orgasm lasts more and it's more intens, and we can have a multiple orgasm, meanwhile them.... :P ...

1. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

2. Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my

mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I

want to call your mother and thank her.

3. Is your daddy a thief? ["No."] Then how did he steal the

sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes? [be ready with

a snappy answer in case they say "yes."]

4. You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.

5. Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the

table and take what I want?

6. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone

we did anyway.

7. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place

and spread the word.

8. Your legs must hurt. You've been running through my mind

all night.

9. That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my

bedroom floor tomorrow morning.

10. My name's [your name]. That's so you know what to

scream.

11. My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover."

12. Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?

13. Can I flirt with you?

14. Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a

nice set of buns.

15. [Look at his/her shirt label. When they say, "What are

you doing?":] Checking to see if you were made in heaven.

OR: Checking to see if you're the right size.

16. All those curves, and me with no brakes.

17. If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold

it against me?

18. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?

19. I like every muscle in your body, especially mine.

20. [Grab his/her ass.] Pardon me, is this seat taken?

21. Is it hot in here or is it just you?

22. Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.

[Cheese alert!]

23. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I

together.

24. How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?

25. Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.

26. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?

27. So... How am I doin'?

28. How about you and I go back to my place and get out of

these wet clothes?

29. [Tap your thigh] You just think this is my leg.

30. Say, that's a nice [dress/outfit/article of clothing].

Can I talk you out of it?

31. I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

32. I hope you know CPR, 'cause you take my breath away.

33. Excuse me, is that semen in your hair?

34. My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it.

35. What do you say we head back to my place, get naked, and

see what happens?

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, one by one "Michael, if you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the rest room," she asked. "Just a minute, I have to go pee", he said. :D

The teacher replied, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you John, how would you say it?" "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very mannerly to say the word 'bathroom' at the table." "And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners."

I would say: "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner." The teacher fainted. :(

crs_tzep a scris:

girls are evil and boys are pigs

Omg, to good to be truth! How could a man say that? :rot:

no matter how evil men or women are we still need each other... don't we?

just a girl a scris:

no matter how evil men or women are we still need each other... don't we?

of course. they say that men are a "necesary evil". 8)

"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they have many different ailments, but I never heard of one, who suffered from insomnia." (by Joseph Wood Krutch)

Mine is sleeping since morning... 8)