Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. What are you -- stupid?
jokes that are not actually funny
Început de @anyry, Sâm 26 apr 2008 · 100 răspunsuri · 123.141 vizualizări
A girl invites her boyfriend over for dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner she wants to have sex with him for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but nervous because he's a virgin. He goes to the pharmacy to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist his situation and asks for advice. The pharmacist tells him everything there is to know about sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks how many condoms he'd like to buy: a 3-pack or a 10-pack. The boy says he feels lucky and insists on the 10-pack.
That night, the boy shows up for dinner a little late. His girlfriend meets him at the door leads him straight to the dinner table where her parents are already seated. The boy sits down, quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still silent with his head down. Five minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 10 minutes, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boy, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
Two men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced "HaVaii" or "HaWaii."
They ask a passerby, who answers "Havaii."
"Thank you," says the satisfied first man.
"You're velcome," replies the passerby.
Q: Why was the guy so downhearted after his midget girlfriend dumped him?
A: Because he was nuts over her.
health
A deacon is in the hospital and his good friend, a preacher, goes to visit him.
The preacher notices all the medical equipment attached to the deacon. He kneels by the bed.
The deacon motions to a pad and pen on the nightstand. The preacher hands his friend the pad and pen, and the deacon begins to write. Suddenly, the deacon dies.
At his funeral, the preacher delivers the service. He says, "I was with him when he died, and as a matter of fact, I have his last thought in my coat pocket here."
The preacher pulls out the paper and reads, "Please, get up. You're kneeling on my oxygen hose."
On the first night of their honeymoon, the new bride tells her husband, "I have a confession to make. I'm not a virgin. I've been with one other guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods, the golfer."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that."
The couple then makes passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" asks the wife.
"I'm hungry. I'm calling room service."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband drops the phone and makes love to his wife a second time. When they finish, he goes back to the phone.
"What are you doing now?" she asks.
"I'm still hungry, so I'm going to ring room service for some food."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it one more time."
The husband puts the phone down and heads back to bed.
Exhausted after the third lovemaking session, he shuffles back to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this hole!"
Q: What's one thing you don't tell a vampire?
A: Bite me.
South African Humour :
Jacob Zuma (South African President), while visiting a Primary School, visits one of the
classrooms.
The class are in the middle of a discussion related to words and
their meanings.
The teacher asks the President / ANC leader if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "Tragedy".
So the leader asks the class for an example of a tragedy.
Josiah stands up and offers: "If my friend, who lives on a farm,
is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him
dead, that would be a tragedy".
"No "says Zuma, that would be an "accident".
Beauty raises her hand: "If a school bus, carrying 50 children,
drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.
"I'm afraid not" explains Zuma, "That's what we would call a "great
loss".
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Jacob Zuma
searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the class Sipho raises his hand. In a quiet
voice he says: "If a jet, carrying you, your wife and most of the ANC
ministers, is struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would
be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaims Zuma, "that's right. Now can you tell me why
that would be a tragedy?.
"Well says Sipho, "because it wouldn't be a great loss, and it
probably wouldn't be an accident either...
Q: What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
A: A Frosted Flake.
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?" The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."