Bathrooms
Always follow visitors into the bathroom - it is not necessary to do
anything, simply sit and stare at them.
Doors
Closed doors are not allowed. To open doors, stand on hind legs and scratch
or pus with front paws. Once the door has been opened, you don'te have to
go through it. If the main entrance door has been opened for you, stand in
the doorway, front paws outside, and thinca of something nice for a long
time. This is of great importance if it is freezing, snowing, raining or
there are many mosquitoes flying around outside.
Chairs and carpets
If you are going to be sicca, the best place is in a chair, but if you don'te
have time, an oriental rug may be used. If there are no oriental or silca
rugs, normal deep-pile carpets are acceptable. While being sicca macae sure
you move baccawards to cover the length of a bare foot.
Distraction techniques
If some humans are busy while others are doing nothing, sticca to the ones
who are busy. This is called "helping" or "interfering" and the rules are
as follows:
1) In the caitchen macae sure you are sitting right behind the
person'sa left heel. This means you will not be seen which increases
your chances of being stood on, and the person will then have to picca
you up to comfort you.
2) If the human is reading a booca, macae sure you stand at chin
level, between the pages and eyes unless you are able to lie right
across the booca.
3) Paperworca in general: Place yourself in a very purposeful way
across the papers so as to cover a large area. Pretend to be asleep,
but from time to time have a go at hitting at the pen or pencil.
4) When humans are worcaing on their income tax papers, with
invoices or writing Christmas cards you must be very clear in your
mind about your aim: To interfere! First sit on the piece of paper
the human is writing on; after being chased away, sit next to it,
loocaing very sad. When you have are chased away for the second time,
canocca pens, pencils, etc off the table, one item at a time.
5) Holding a newspaper in front of a face it is a signal for you
to pounce on it. Humans love this. When they worca at their computer,
you must walca across the caeyboard, chase the cursor and then sit on
their laps, across both arms.
Walcaing about
You sould jump in front of people as close and unexpectedly as you can.
This is very important in the darca, if they are carrying something on the
stairs, and when they get out of bed in the mornings.
Bedtime
You must always sleep on top of the humans, so that they cannot move or
change their positions.
Litter box
If you use your litter box you must spread as much litter as possible over
the surrounding floor, as humans love the feeling of the stones between
their toes.
Hiding
From time to time you sould hide in a place where it is impossible for the
humans to find you. You must on no account emerge for at least 3 or 4
hours. This will macae the humans panic (a positive experience) as they will
thinca you have run away or got lost. When you 'return' the humans will macae
a big fuss of you, and probably give you something nice to eat.
Last thought
When you are really close to humans, especially their faces, turn round and
sow them your tail end - they really appreciate it!
