Început de @anyry, Sâm 26 apr 2008 · 100 răspunsuri · 123.141 vizualizări
A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer."
The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars."
The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender.
"Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that."
The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. "What's going on here?" the man asks.
Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."
Three couples marry and stay at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Dave the bellboy.
The first man married a nurse. Dave thinks to himself, "Nurses are known to be hot to trot."
The second man married a telephone operator. Dave thinks to himself, "Telephone operators have sexy voices."
The third man married a school teacher. Dave thinks to himself, "Poor guy, teachers are frigid."
The next morning, Dave reports to work and gets a room service call from the nurse's husband. He sourly says, "Don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was 'You're not sanitary, you're not sanitary.'"
Then, the telephone operator's husband calls and sourly says, "Don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was 'Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'"
Later that afternoon, the teacher's husband calls and happily says, "When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was 'We are going to do this over and over until we get right.'"
A bus driver on his route sees a van from the zoo stranded on the side of the road. The zoo worker offers the bus driver $100 to help him deliver two dozen penguins. The bus driver agrees and loads the penguins on the bus.
An hour later, the zoo worker gets his van fixed and heads to the zoo. On the road, he sees the bus driver and the penguins driving in the opposite direction. He catches up to the bus and pulls them over.
The zoo worker yells, "I gave you a $100 to take the penguins to the zoo for me. Why are you still driving them around?"
"Calm down," the bus driver says, "I took the penguins to the zoo. We had change left over, so now I'm taking them to the movies."
An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave.
The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"
Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl.
She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.
"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
Once upon a time, a frog was hopping through the desert.
All of the sudden, someone slapped the frog on the back of its neck.
The frog looks to the left, looks to the right, looks behind, looks up. Nothing else but sand all over the place.
It shruggs and hopps further through the desert.
After a while, someone slapps the frog again on the back of its neck.
The frog looks to the left, looks to the right, looks behind, looks up. Nothing else but sand all over the place.
It shruggs and hopps further through the desert.
A little bit later, someone slapps the frog for the third time on the back of its neck.
The frog looks to the left, looks to the right, looks behind, looks up. Nothing else but sand all over the place.
It shruggs and hopps further through the desert.
And so the frog got slapped for three time on the back of its neck.
Beer Drinkers .. in wild West 
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The blonde girl from Parker, Arizona ... cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, 'In Arizona , we have so many illegal immigrants that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.
Editat Dum 2 aug 2009 03:38
What's green and red, and goes 100 mph?
A frog in a blender!
You have so many gaps in your teeth, it looks like your tongue is in jail.
A blonde bought an a.m. radio and it took her a month to find out she could listen to it at night.