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random musings

Început de Shadowdancer, Mar 21 nov 2006 · 114 răspunsuri · 18.310 vizualizări

Shur'tugal10.647 mesaje#1

There are twenty years to go

A golden age I know

But all will pass will end too fast you know

There are twenty years to go

And many friends I hope

Though some may hold the rose

Some hold the rope

i'm listening to placebo again, in heavy rotation... and if someone says you need various substances to induce a modified state of consciousness... they are wrong... i listen to the song... and i am back there... and i feel everything, the lights, the crowd, the sounds, the songs, the cheers, all flowing through my veins like they did then... riding the wave and painfully aware that it will go away just like it came, washing over us... or at least over me, for sure... some moments just come and go like that and you twist and turn and you try to catch them somehow, get a a grip on a bit of them and hold them, hold and never let them go and keep them alive forever or at least etched in your memory and they always slip away like a silver fish you just cannot hold... it should be so easy to induce such a state... and keep it... where nothing matters but the now and the here.... when the world is totally unimportant and nothing and no one can harm you, when you smile to someone who just stepped on your foot and they apologise and you say 's ok, and they smile back and though none have heard what the other said you know everything is ok because every barrier that is up and functioning out there in the real world has been torn down....

Shur'tugal10.647 mesaje#3

well, did it? :o:

i used to consider myself... and i used to take pride in it, too... one of those people who dig a bit deeper in matters of people. not always, admittedly. but when i consider it worth it and my interest is sparked by someone. and i have come to believe that only what you find when digging deeper is worth keeping, just like the water from the deeper springs is the better one. people who won't unveil themselves at first attempt are usually the ones worth knowing better. for me, it's a proven thing. i used to have a nose for finding those people and i used to have the patience to dig... or to wait. some just require waiting.

lately.... i find that i am losing both.

first i lost patience. and i lost people, of whom i am still convinced that there was something worth hanging on about them. but since it took too much time, effort, patience, understanding or whatever... i got closer and closer to joining the big crowd of what-the-heck-leave-'em-be-sayers. with regret and being aware that it is me missing out on something or someone, as opposed to the easy way out: convincing yourself that those people are actually not worth a second look. plainly put, it's called growing selfish.

now i realise i am also losing "the nose". i chose to believe there is more than meets the eye about some people, contrary to common sense and the common belief about them. i chose to try and see what it is, lurking behind appearance. and... though there may be some sparks, they are deceiving. no warming fire in that cave, no sirree. and... i just wonder whether it really is losing my sixth sense in this matter or rather those self-convincing mechanisms springing automatically into action. and i think the latter would sadden me more :doh:

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