Sari la conținut
Forum Roportal

Postări Recomandate

Bob was in trouble.

 

He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.  She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

 

The next morning he got up early and left for work.  When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.  Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.  She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.  Bob has been missing since Friday.

  • Upvote 2

Partajează acest post


Link spre post
Distribuie pe alte site-uri

A funeral service was being held for a young woman who had just passed away. As the pallbearers carried the casket out, they accidentally bumped into a wall. They heard a faint moan come from inside the casket. They opened the casket and found that the woman was still alive! She went on to live 10 more years and then died, and they held another funeral for her. While the pallbearers were carrying her out, her husband yelled, "Watch out for that wall!"

  • Upvote 2

Partajează acest post


Link spre post
Distribuie pe alte site-uri

Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.” Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.” It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.” “I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”

  • Upvote 2

Partajează acest post


Link spre post
Distribuie pe alte site-uri

A father believed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games.

In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son...

"When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

Without looking up from his game, the boy pointed out,

 

"When Lincoln was your age, he was The President of The United States."

  • Upvote 2

Partajează acest post


Link spre post
Distribuie pe alte site-uri

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband.

Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months,

yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.

When he came to senses, he motioned for her to come near him.

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what?

 

You have been with me all through the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me.

When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you gave me support.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side.

You know what?"

"What dear?" she asks gently.

"I think you bring me bad luck."

  • Upvote 1

Partajează acest post


Link spre post
Distribuie pe alte site-uri

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.

She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen.

I call the police for help, and what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman.

Partajează acest post


Link spre post
Distribuie pe alte site-uri

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

  • Upvote 1

Partajează acest post


Link spre post
Distribuie pe alte site-uri

There were 3 men in the desert.

They all wanted something to cool them down.

One brought a pail of water.

The second brought an umbrella.

The third took out a car door.

The other two said,

 - "Why do you have a car door?"

The person said,

 - "So we could roll the windows down when we get hot!" 

 

:sweating:

  • Upvote 1

Partajează acest post


Link spre post
Distribuie pe alte site-uri

Creează un cont sau autentifică-te pentru a adăuga comentariu

Trebuie să fi un membru pentru a putea lăsa un comentariu.

Creează un cont

Înregistrează-te pentru un nou cont în comunitatea nostră. Este simplu!

Înregistrează un nou cont

Autentificare

Ai deja un cont? Autentifică-te aici.

Autentifică-te acum

×