Mallorca 1 Raportează post Postat Noiembrie 22, 2006 Ponderings collection 13 Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs? When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away? When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder Why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? Why Isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? Partajează acest post Link spre post Distribuie pe alte site-uri
J0' 2 Raportează post Postat Decembrie 1, 2006 What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78 ? At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story! At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you?? Partajează acest post Link spre post Distribuie pe alte site-uri
@anyry 105 Raportează post Postat Decembrie 4, 2006 :yawn: not true i hope :flowers: Partajează acest post Link spre post Distribuie pe alte site-uri
J0' 2 Raportează post Postat Decembrie 6, 2006 John was in a bar looking very dejected. His friend, Steve, walked over and asked, "What's wrong?" "It's my mother-in-law, " John replied, While shaking his head sadly. "I have A real problem with her." "Cheer up," Steve said. "Everyone has Problems with their mother-in-law. " "Yeah," John answered. "But I got mine pregnant." Partajează acest post Link spre post Distribuie pe alte site-uri
Shadowdancer 4 Raportează post Postat Decembrie 16, 2006 An American visiting in England asked at the hotel for the elevator. The portiere looked a bit confused but smiled when he realized what the man wanted. "You must mean the lift," he said. "No," the American responded. "If I ask for the elevator I mean the elevator." "Well," the portiere answered, "over here we call them lifts". "Now you listen", the American said rather irritated, "someone in America invented the elevator." "Oh, right you are sir," the portiere said in a polite tone, "but someone here in England invented the language." Partajează acest post Link spre post Distribuie pe alte site-uri
kisstina 1 Raportează post Postat Ianuarie 21, 2007 One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the problem, Eve?" "Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy." "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above. "Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you." "What's a 'man', Lord?" "This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack." "Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. "Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition." "What's that, Lord?" "You'll have to let him believe that I made him first." Partajează acest post Link spre post Distribuie pe alte site-uri
Varuna 2 Raportează post Postat Ianuarie 26, 2007 "If God had really intended men to fly, he'd make it easier to get to the airport."... George Winters Partajează acest post Link spre post Distribuie pe alte site-uri
Shadowdancer 4 Raportează post Postat Februarie 1, 2007 A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he was gone. A few days later he received this report: MOST HONORABLE SIR: YOU LEAVE HOUSE, I WATCH HOUSE. HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH. HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE. I FOLLOW. HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE. I LOOK IN WINDOW. HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE. HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE. HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE. I PLAY WITH ME.... I FALL OFF TREE. I NO SEE. NO FEE, CHEN LEE. Partajează acest post Link spre post Distribuie pe alte site-uri
FAFAFA 0 Raportează post Postat Februarie 7, 2007 My mom made a cop cry once: -Do you know why I pulled you over? -I am not a mind-reader mister!I was speading so I wouldn't be lait,now I'm not gonna get there at all!Get back in that car and think about what you did! An her kids were in the back saying: -Oh,don't shoot her it just makes her mad!Those bullets better be silver or she ain't going down! Those who have faith gotta be the Jews.They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. It gotta been some guy in the back saying: -I don't thing he knows where he's going.Uh,40 years!Are you kidding me!?I was 10 when we started this trip.This footprint-my-15 years ago.We're walking in circles!!!I don't give a damn if he heres me or not...You lost Moses you bastard!! Partajează acest post Link spre post Distribuie pe alte site-uri
Shadowdancer 4 Raportează post Postat Februarie 22, 2007 Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit 1. They live here. You don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Partajează acest post Link spre post Distribuie pe alte site-uri
