Top 10 signs of a bad christmas tree

Top 10 signs you bought a bad christmas tree: 10. Two feet tall, forty feet wide 9. Salesman's opening line: "You're not a cop, are you?" 8. It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers stuck into it 7. While you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family caravan for a joy ride 6. Each branch has "Duraflame" printed on it 5. Keeps heckling while you try to do a lame top ten list 4. It's very small and says "Air Freshener" on it 3. Rabbis have better Christmas trees than yours 2. Some guy named Mujibur puts a cheap Statue of Liberty on top of it 1. Constantly bragging about its "trunk size"