[Raffael Aedrius]

Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard day's work to relax. He noticed a man next to him order a shot and a beer. The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket. This continued several times before Joe's curiosity got the best of him.

He leaned over to the guy and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual. Why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot and beer?"

The man replied, "There's a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts lookin' good, I'm headin' home!"

[Diela]

WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKED FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE

This is the winner:-

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you..
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,

the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe “'Go to hell.”'

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts tequila, one part lime.

[Raffael Aedrius]

A little girl
asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the child's kindness and gave her the required sum.

"There you are, my dear," said the mother. "But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?"

"Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy."

[Raffael Aedrius]

There were three astronauts an American, a Russian, and a Pollock who were discussing who had the best space program. The Russian says, "We have the best space program. We were the first country to put a satellite into orbit." The American replies, "Thats nothing, we put the first man on the moon." Then the man Pollock says, "No, we are the best, we are going to put the first man on the sun." The Russian and the American arguedm, "Thats not possible you would burn." The Pollock explains, "No, no, we have it all planned out. See we will go at night!"

[Raffael Aedrius]

What's black and white, black and brown, and black and black?

A nun roasting on a spit.

[Raffael Aedrius]

Q. What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
A. Hose A and Hose B

[Raffael Aedrius]

-What did the pimp use to put out the fire?

-His hos!

[Raffael Aedrius]

While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window.

"Good Lord!" he screamed. "One of the engines just blew up!"

Other passengers left their seats and came running over. Suddenly, the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain order!

Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. Most of the passengers seemed to feel better on hearing this, and they sat down as the pilot walked to the front of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crewmember attached the package to their backs.

"Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "aren't those parachutes?"

The pilot said, "Yes, they are."

The passenger went on, "But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?"

"There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded.

"We're just going to get help."

[Saharian]

The lesbians next door asked me what I would like for my birthday. I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex.
It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch."

[Saharian]

A traditional healer was arrested for allegedly raping a 22-year-old woman in Kagiso, Gauteng police said today.

The victim's mother invited the healer to her home for a party on Saturday. He spent the night there because the do ended late, Inspector Solomon Sibiya said. "He met the 22-year-old woman for the first time around 3.30am on Sunday and offered to examine her by throwing bones. The diagnosis was that she was bewitched by her ex-boyfriend and had a problem in her stomach."

The man allegedly told the woman she could only be healed if she had sex with him. "This allegedly took place in one of the bedrooms in the house. When her mother later asked where she had been, she told her the whole story."

The mother laid a rape charge with the police and the healer was arrested on Sunday night. The 43-year-old man was expected to appear in the Kagiso Magistrate's Court on Tuesday.



rape sadea