[Raffael Aedrius]

What does a blonde do when her computer freezes?

She sticks it in the microwave.

[Raffael Aedrius]

What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing -- it just waved!

[Raffael Aedrius]

-If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth eating.

-- If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel-drive truck with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help, just stay out of their way -- this is what they live for.

-- Don't be surprised to find boiled peanuts, movie rentals and fishing bait in the same store.

-- Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

-- Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

-- If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" -- stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

-- If you see a turn signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.

-- Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. They are to be positioned directly in front of one's trailer, since it cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.

-- As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember: many Southerners learned to drive on a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.

-- You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.

[Raffael Aedrius]

70-year-old George went for his annual physical. He told the doctor that he felt fine, but often had to go to the bathroom during the night. Then he said, "But you know Doc, I'm blessed. God knows my eyesight is going, so he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I'm done!"

A little later in the day, Dr. Smith called George's wife and said, "Your husband's test results were fine, but he said something strange that has been bugging me. He claims that God turns the light on and off for him when uses the bathroom at night."

Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's been peeing in the refrigerator again!"

[Raffael Aedrius]

Q: What are the best 10 years of a blonde's life?

A: Third grade.

[Diela]

I wonder whoever was the first to see a cow and decided to squeeze the thingies hanging underneath its belly and drink whatever comes out?

Good he didn`t decide to do this with a bull!

[Saharian]

Diela, la Jul 15 2009, 10:29 AM, a spus:

I wonder whoever was the first to see a cow and decided to squeeze the thingies hanging underneath its belly and drink whatever comes out?

Good he didn`t decide to do this with a bull!

Si daca a fost la a DOUA incercare ?

Saharian, la Jul 15 2009, 10:33 AM, a spus:

Si daca a fost la a DOUA incercare ?

" Geez, this is much better than the first one...that yellow thing was salty ... "

[Raffael Aedrius]

A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When finally his work was done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground.

"I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted.

"So what," said a little girl. "I'm four."

[Raffael Aedrius]

Did you hear about the goldfish that went bankrupt?

A. Now he's a bronzefish!

[Raffael Aedrius]

How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card!